May 15th, 2008 | by Mare | 
(The “125 Piece Drill Bit Set” photograph is courtesy of nathansnostalgia).
I found Esquire Magazine’s “75 Skills Every Man Should Master” rather interesting, and I agree with the wisdom of men acquiring almost all of the skills listed therein. After searching for a similar list for women, and not finding any I particularly liked, I decided to create one and post it on my blog. After much deliberation, these are the skills I think it would be useful for women to learn:
1. Learn to take criticism. Women often respond to criticism in one of two ways: they jump to defend themselves and fail to consider whether they’re being offered constructive criticism which could help them, or they take the criticism to heart and feel poorly about themselves as a result. When criticized, pay attention to who the criticism is coming from, the motives the person may have for offering the criticism, and consider whether there is something you can learn from the criticism. If there’s nothing useful for you to learn, then simply brush it off; on the other hand, if you conclude that there may be some truth to what you’re being told, take corrective action.
“Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing”. — Aristotle
2. Basic car maintenance. Car maintenance is not the sole domain of men; you probably spend a lot of time in your car and should have at least a basic idea of what’s under the hood. Also, you should know how to change a tire and jump start your car. At the very least do the following: know who to call in case of an emergency; make sure you always have a spare tire that is properly inflated; don’t let the gas go below the one-quarter mark; know how to check the oil and radiator fluid; purchase a first aid kit for your car, as well as a flashlight, jumper cables, flares, and a car charger for your cell phone; also, take your car in for regular maintenance.
(The “Dorothy Sebastian changes a tyre” photograph is courtesy of spiralsheep).
3. Know how to invest intelligently in something, whether it’s stocks, bonds, real estate, precious metals, or whatever you think will be the next equivalent of having bought Microsoft or Google stock when these companies were just getting started.
4. Acquire the skill of communicating assertively. Communicating assertively means that you make sure you’re calm, you know what you want, you speak directly to the person concerned and not behind his/her back, and you communicate your needs and–when appropriate–your feelings in an honest, clear, and direct manner. Do not beat around the bush. At the same time, there’s no need to be confrontational.
5. Know how to use power tools. There are few things more empowering than being able to drill a hole in a wall and hang up pictures on your own.
6. Take a self-defense class that can teach you how to size up a situation and be able to act in the best manner to get away. Hopefully you’ll never, ever, have to use what you learn in the class but knowing that you can defend yourself gives you self-confidence that a would-be attacker can recognize, and which makes them view you as a difficult target.
7. Practice your poker face; don’t let them see you sweat. Emotions are an important component of most social interactions, and being able to communicate your emotions and read the emotions of others effectively will go a long way toward helping you succeed in life. However, there are times when it will be in your best interest not to let others read your emotions. Be prepared for those times by perfecting your poker face. Putting on a poker face doesn’t necessarily mean that you drain your face of all emotion and make it completely expressionless. It means that you act completely natural, as if whatever the situation is, it hasn’t caught you off-guard or thrown you off balance.
8. Learn to smile to show joy or amusement, not to please others. Smiling at the wrong time can signify to others that you’re a push over.
9. Breast self-exams have long been advocated as essential for early breast cancer detection. Learn how and perform one on a monthly basis.
10. Learn to delegate. Always ask yourself whether doing the task that’s in front of you will get you closer to achieving your goals, and whether you’re the right person to take care of said task. If it doesn’t get you closer to your goals and someone else can do it within the range of quality that is required for that particular task, hand it over to them.
11. Bounce right back after a hard fall. Resilience is one of the most important traits you can have to succeed in life. If you think that those who are very successful don’t fail, think again. Often, the higher up someone is, the greater the number of falls they’ve had on their way to the top. The less time you spend wallowing in your loss and the faster you get back up on the horse, the more quickly you can resume your ascent to the zenith.
12. Stick to your guns. They say that a new idea goes through three stages: first it’s ridiculed, then it’s violently opposed, and then everyone thinks that it was obvious. If you believe that you have a great idea, see it through to the end.
“All great truths begin as blasphemies.”
- George Bernard Shaw
13. Be informed. Glance through the newspaper each morning and read the articles that catch your attention more in depth; get CNN breaking news sent to your e-mail address; watch the news on your favorite news channel; and read a periodical such as “Time Magazine” or “Newsweek” every week.
14. Take a compliment: A lot of women respond to receiving a compliment by putting themselves down—“I don’t know how I did it, I guess I just got lucky”-, by pointing out their weaknesses—“Writing is something I do well, but don’t even think of asking me to do anything that involves math, I can barely add”–or by attributing the glory to somebody else—“It was really Jack’s input that made this possible”. Own your accomplishments and simply accept the compliment graciously.
15. Resist the urge to gossip. Gossiping is toxic. In addition, every time you open your mouth, even if you’re talking about somebody else, you’re telling the world who you are. If you gossip you’re telling others that you’re petty, hateful, and insecure.
16. Be passably good in at least one sport—whether it’s jogging, skiing, golf, ice skating, swimming, baseball, basketball, tennis, you name it.
17. Be worldly. Choose a country other than your own and learn not only the language that is spoken there, but also study their customs, their cuisine, their art, their folklore, and their history.
18. Be able to talk intelligently about the environment. At the very least watch “An Inconvenient Truth” , a documentary depicting Al Gore’s crusade to expose the devastating harm we’re doing to the environment, and start taking action to reduce your carbon footprint.
19. Know when, how, and how much to tip in different situations, ranging from taxi drivers and waiters, to bellhops and your hair dresser.
20. Be able to grow and care for something in the plant family, whether it be bonsai trees, roses, tulips, orchids, or even ferns.
21. Have a favorite author and know why he/she is your favorite. (It can be J.K. Rowling, but if you’re over twelve, think carefully about this one). Read every book he/she has ever written and be able to describe his/her writing style and favorite motifs.
22. Be able to do something artistic with your hands, whether it be drawing, creating mandalas, playing a musical instrument, sculpting, beading, knitting, making pottery, or making jewelry.
23. Be able to create a book proposal. Everyone has a book in them, whether it be a children’s book, the biography of someone you admire, a memoir, a collection of short stories, a novel, or even a book filled with interesting photographs you’ve taken with short captions to explain each one.
When she was in her early twenties, the author SARK (Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy), who has written books such as “The Bodacious Book of Succulence” and “Living Juicy”, put an ad in the newspaper that read, “If you make obscene phone calls, call me”. This was the way in which she conducted research for a book she was going to write on obscene phone calls. She even managed to get interviewed by the Washington Post and the New York Post about her “book”, have a meeting with Doubleday’s senior editor, and present a book proposal. Unfortunately, she then proceeded to spend her time partying instead of writing the book, but you get the idea: you can write a book on just about anything.
24. Learn basic CPR– cardiopulmonary resuscitation–and the Heimlich Maneuver. If someone were choking or going into cardiac arrest in front of you, wouldn’t you want to know what to do?
25. Play one card game really well: it can be poker, rummy, bridge, and so on.
26. Learn to sell yourself. Prepare a three minute infomercial about yourself highlighting your most important skills and accomplisments. Then practice it until it sounds natural and unrehearsed when you say it. Important people are very busy, and when you’re face-to-face with one of them you have a very small window of opportunity to make a good and lasting impression.
27. Have a stress management strategy. Studies have shown that almost 90% of illnesses can be traced back to stress. In addition, people who suffer from high levels of stress tend to have trouble sleeping, be overweight, have trouble concentrating, and are easily irritated. Stress management techniques can include: reframing the situation, learning to live in the now, humor, laughter yoga, repeating a mantra, creating rituals, having realistic expectations, and so on.
28. Don’t simply accept what you’re told, go see for yourself. A lot of people –and women are particularly prone to this–go through life without ever questioning what they’re told. Learn to look at everything from several different perspectives and ask yourself what you truly think. Where do you stand on important issues? How do you think things should be done?
29. Learn to be comfortable with ambiguity. The world is not black and white; people are not entirely bad or entirely good; you’ll often run across two proverbs that say exactly the opposite, and both will be right.
“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.” — Oscar Wilde
30. Be able to perform at least one dance style reasonably well: Tango, Merengue, Salsa, Waltz, Belly dance, Ballet, the Polka, Flamenco, Krumping, Lambada, Tap dance, the Foxtrot . . .
(The “Tango Legs” photograph is courtesy of dark_mephi).
31. Have knowledge of mayor artistic movements, major artists, and indispensable masterworks. Art is making a come-back.
32. Learn to regulate your own moods. Being able to self-regulate anger, to bounce back from disappointment, and to shift your focus to a more positive range of feelings when you’re feeling down is vital to your productivity and to your success.
33. Develop your interpersonal skills. Interpersonal skill is the ability to understand other people, to know what motivates them, and to be able to work cooperatively with them. It involves reading other people’s body language, their tone of voice, their gestures, and understanding their style of communication. Daniel Goleman explains in his book “Emotional Intelligence” that rapport “stems from emotional attunement, from the capacity for empathy.”
34. Project strength with your body language. Stand up straight. If you have a tendency to slouch, you can use the following dancer’s trick: run an imaginary cord from the base of your spine, through the spine, up through your neck, and out the top of your head; now pull the imaginary cord upwards and feel your spine straighten. Also, women should try to avoid tilting their head during business conversations since this can signify submission.
35. Hold other people’s gaze. People consider others who hold their gaze during a conversation to be more self-assured, trustworthy, and reliable than those who are constantly looking away. In addition, several coaches suggest the following trick:
Imagine a triangle with the base at the listener’s eyes and the peak in the middle of the forehead: that’s the “business gaze”. This is where you should be concentrating when you want to be taken seriously. On the other hand, if you’re at a social gathering and want to be more flirtatious, imagine an upside-down triangle with the base at the listener’s eyes and the apex at the mouth and concentrate your gaze in that zone.
36. A firm handshake helps make a good first impression. The features that characterize a firm handshake are the strength, duration, and completeness of grip. In addition, refer to #35 above: when you shake hands with someone you should also use eye contact.
37. Stop worrying about what others think of you. The American psychologist Abraham Maslow–noted for his conceptualization of a “hierarchy of human needs”–argued that the self-actualized person is independent of the good opinion of others. Do what you think is right for you and don’t alter your behavior simply to please others.
38. Have a reasonable knowledge of history. To get a good overview of how thought has evolved and how different inventions have affected humanity, I recommend you read “The Discoverers” by Daniel J. Boorstin, as well as “A History of Knowledge” by Charles Van Doren.
39. Know that there are predators. In “Women Who Run With the Wolves”, Clarissa Pinkola Estes explains that all creatures must learn that there are predators out there. In addition, she adds that early training to “be nice” causes many women to ignore their inner alarm system. She goes on to say: “To understand the predator is to become a mature animal who is not vulnerable out of naïveté, inexperience , or foolishness.”
(The “Wolf Menace” photograph is courtesy of Byrd on a Wire).
40. Have a basic knowledge of world geography. Many people have seen the YouTube video of Miss South Carolina during the 2007 Miss Teen USA pageant where she’s asked why she thinks polls show that one-fifth of Americans can’t locate the USA on a map. It’s actually hard to watch. Purchase a World Atlas or at the very least a book such as “Geography for Dummies” to get an adequate overview.
“U.S. high school graduates will: Sell to the world; buy from the world; work for international companies; manage employees from other cultures and countries; collaborate with people all over the world in joint ventures; compete with people on the other side of the world for jobs and markets; and tackle global problems, such as AIDS, avian flu, pollution, and disaster recovery… We need to open global gateways and inspire students to explore beyond their national borders.”” Vivien Stewart, Becoming Citizens of the World, Educational Leadership
41. Adopt a method for connecting with your inner self and getting centered. You can choose from several different methods, including journaling, meditation, tai chi, Qi Gong, yoga, or spending time in nature.
42. Know where your money is going. Create a spending plan (also known as a budget). Keep track of your expenses and make a conscious decision as to how you’re going to spend your money instead of spending it indiscriminately.
43. Learn how to develop a business plan. In “Rich Dad/Poor Dad”, Robert Kiyosaki compares the mindset of his father (”poor dad”)-who held several degrees and an important position in the government, but struggled financially–, with the mindset of his best friend’s father (”rich dad”)–who never even finished high school but left his son a financial empire. “Poor dad” saw his job as his source of income for life and he taught Kiyosaki to depend on his employer for his financial well being. On the other hand, “rich dad” taught Kiyosaki that he should get a job to learn and to acquire the necessary skills so that he could go on to start his own business and become financially independent. Learn to create a business plan so that you can start moving toward financial independence.
44. Learn how to create passive income. Passive income is income that does not require your direct involvement. You make a strong initial effort to get this type of income started, but then you do minimal work thereafter to keep it going. It can be income derived from royalties–for example, you write a book–, income derived from patents–you invent something–, income derived from real estate, and so on. Brian Lee at geniustypes.com swears by bulk candy vending machines to create passive income. There are many ways to create passive income and the key is to be on the look-out for passive income producing opportunities.
45. Learn to be flexible. An example that is often used to illustrate the benefits of flexibility is the bamboo and the oak tree. The strategy of the oak tree is to grow strong and solid to withstand the onslaught of strong winds. The strategy of the bamboo is to stay flexible and to bend with the force of the wind. In a fierce storm the oak tree is often destroyed, while the bamboo–having swayed with the force of the wind–survives.
46. Learn how to make mistakes. Many people attach great stigma to failure and are therefore afraid of making mistakes. However, we need to accept that failing is simply part of the process and we should learn from our mistakes and move on. Think of mistakes as stepping stones on the path to success.
“Punishing honest mistakes stifles creativity. I want people moving and shaking the earth and they’re going to make mistakes.” — Ross Perot
47. Be able to forgive yourself. As Maya Angelou so wisely said, “You did what you knew how to do, and when you knew better, you did better.”
48. Be able to tell if someone is lying (this was taken straight out of Esquire’s list).
49. Have some knowledge of economics, particularly how economic policy affects the wealth of a nation. A good source is the book and DVD, “The Commanding Heights of the Economy.”
50. Know when to cut your losses. The best poker player knows when and how to fold. When the odds say he probably won’t win, he just leaves his money in the pot and lays down his cards. He doesn’t go on throwing money into the pot desperately hoping to salvage the situation. There comes a point where the best thing you can do is to simply cut your losses and move on.
51. Have a Big Vision. No matter how small your domain may be at the present moment, you should set a big, long-term vision for yourself. Come up with a powerful statement of where you are headed and what your life will be about.
“We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not in just some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” — Nelson Mandela
52. Learn to receive. Women are often masters at giving but have a difficult time receiving. The yin and yang of life is to give and receive. Practice receiving by focusing on your breath: everytime you breath in you’re receiving. Accepting gifts, help, and complements from others should be just as easy.
53. Protect Your Computer. Install a virus protection program and once a week do a virus scan and spyware check.
54. Learn to make quick decisions. Make as many on-the-spot decisions as you possibly can, and then move on to the next thing. If you keep postponing making decisions on small things, they’ll accumulate and will end up eating away more of your time than if you had simply made a quick decision for each one. The more decisions you make, the better you’ll get at making them.
55. Learn to negotiate. Negotiating is much more than knowing how to get a good price when you’re buying a car or how to ask for a salary raise; almost everything you do in life involves negotiation. You negotiate with your spouse, with your children, with your friends, with your boss, with your co-workers, and so on. If you learn how to negotiate effectively you can move away from confrontation and toward cooperation. At the same time, good negotiators look for constructive ways to make the pie bigger so that everyone wins in an argument, instead of either forsaking their piece of the pie in order to keep the peace, or taking the pie away from somebody else.
56. Learn to cook at least the basics. Planning your meals in advance and eating at home is good for your wallet and for your health.
57. Speed Reading. We’re all being bombarded with information on a continous basis, a lot of it in written form. There’s the newspaper, the blogs you subscribe to, reports, e-mails, magazines, books, newsletters . . . You need to develop a strategy to get through this reading material quickly with an acceptable level of comprehension and retention. I use PhotoReading which teaches a whole-mind reading system. Among other things, you go through the reading material quickly several times, using a different technique each time. You also read with a purpose so that your mind can help you pick out what is important to you.
58. Time Management Skills. There are countless systems and methods to organize your time. Pick one of the several methods available, learn it, and apply it. You can also study several of the methods available, mix and match, and come up with your own hybrid. Just as by creating a budget you take control over where your money goes, by creating a system for managing your time you take control over where your time goes.
59. Get organized. Getting organized includes decluttering, giving a “home” to each of our belongings, and creating processes so that we know where to put and what to do with all of the items that come into our lives.
“Organizing is the process by which we create environments that enable us to live, work, and relax exactly as we want to. When we are organized, our homes, offices, and schedules reflect and encourage who we are, what we want, and where we are going.” — Julie Morgenstern
60. Create a Sacred Space. In the book “Sacred Spaces”, Denise Linn explains that our homes are symbolic representations of ourselves. Create a sanctuary for yourself and for your loved ones, a place of healing and regeneration.
61. Don’t take things personally. Realize that what others say and do is not because of you, it’s simply a projection of their own reality.
62. Think “Yes” instead of “No”. Imagine “Yes” instead of “No”. Say “Yes” to life instead of saying “No”. The author SARK suggests that you make little signs that say “yes” and post them all over your house.
63. Develop the skill of goal setting. Numerous studies have shown that people who set goals achieve more in life than those who don’t. Use the “SMART” acronym when setting your goals:
- Specific: Don’t just say “I want to lose weight”. Instead, write down something like the following: “Lose 10 pounds in 2 months by following a diet of 2,000 calories a day, jogging for 40 minutes 5 times a week, and lifting weights at the gym 3 times a week.”
- Measurable: Each time you get on the scale you can measure your progress.
- Achievable: While losing 10 pounds in 2 months is achievable for most people, losing 50 pounds in 2 months probably is not.
- Rewarding: Make sure you establish goals because it’s something that you really want, as opposed to setting goals based on things other people want for you.
- Timeline: Things have a tendency not to get done unless there’s a clear deadline. In our example, “2 months” is a clearly delimited time period for accomplishing the goal of losing 10 pounds.
64. Think creatively. The world needs people who are willing to look at problems from a different perspective, to ask how things can be made better, to look for different alternatives, and to come up with new solutions and novel ways of doing things.
65. Take smart risks. I once read that most people don’t play to win, they play not to lose. What if you stopped playing it safe? What if you risked making a fool of yourself, being ridiculed, and perhaps falling a couple of notches down the ladder you’ve been steadily climbing, for the opportunity of winning at the game of life?
66. Nurture others. This is a skill that a lot of women have down pat. However, it’s an important skill and worth mentioning. Mother Theresa was a big proponent of the concept that people need to feel cared for as much as they need food, shelter, and water.
67. Nurture yourself. You’re not doing anyone any favors–least of all yourself–by failing to take good care of yourself. Make sure that you take time to eat well, exercise, and have some time to yourself to get in the tub and read your favorite magazine, go for a walk, or spend a couple of hours at a spa. When you get on an airplane the stewardess always explains during the safety presentation that, in case of an emergency, you should put your oxygen mask on first, and then help your children or those around you with theirs. Likewise, you have to take good care of yourself first, so that you can give your very best to your loved ones.
68. Set clear boundaries. Setting clear boundaries has many different connotations, two of the main ones being the following:
-First, there’s a time and place for everything. There’s a time for work, and there’s a time for relaxation. When you get home from work you should drop everything related to your work before you walk in the door. If you work at home you need to make the boundary between work and relaxation even stronger. You can create a ritual of washing your hands and face when you’re ready to transition from work to relaxation, changing your clothes, or anything else that helps send a signal to your mind that it’s time to shift gears.
-Second, set clear boundaries on your time. Do not allow yourself to be interrupted when you’re in the middle of important work and do not commit yourself to doing things you don’t want to do.
69. Learn to network. Networking is the most important way of fostering relationships and business contacts. Being a good networker means that you have a wide circle of people from whom to get information and call on for help, and with whom you can share ideas.
70. Trust your intuition. Intuition is when you know something without being sure how you know it. If you’re not comfortable with the notion of a sixth sense, then simply think of intuition as the triggering of the cumulative experiences and knowledge that you’ve gathered through the years.
71 - 75. Be authentic; Set your own agenda instead of being pulled into the agenda of others; Break the rules; Do the unexpected; Be unforgettable.
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